Hello everyone
Happy Monday.
Honestly though, I just had the worst Monday in the history of my life. I know this because I looked up the dates of other bad days, and none of them were on a Monday. Nevermind that, though, I don’t want to talk about it. There is too much work to do this week!
I looked up pictures from the Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark books. They were published in 1986, which meant that they have been around to scare me my whole entire life. I am teaching my first Halloween lesson tomorrow, and I thought “oh, what better to scare the pants off my kids than the most terrifying illustrations I’ve ever seen?”
I remember that in elementary school, if you wanted to check out the Scary Stories books, you had to have a note from your mom saying that it was ok. I skipped that process and got them from the local library, because they didn’t care.
Scary Stories takes folktales and legends and retells them to be extra-creepy. They are full of these horrific black and white illustrations that make them even worse. For example, the story about the lady who gets a dog in Mexico and it turns out to be a rabid sewer rat wouldn’t be nearly as creepy if it didn’t include a picture of the rat, which crawled in and out of my nightmares for a year or so. Ditto the girl who was raised by wolves – it sounds like a cute story, until you see a picture of the girl, who looks like she would rip your throat out with her fingers. I’m STILL scared of these books.
Are you ready, schoolchildren? Muwahahaha.
Also, I am planning on coming back home for the holidays. You will know me by the fact that I will be wearing a very stupid self-inflicted haircut. I always get this haircut after I watch Audrey Hepburn movies. For some reason, I always manage to forget that I look like a complete fool with bangs, mainly because I am not Audrey Hepburn. One day I will go completely mad and cut my hair short all over like hers.
I haven’t been doing this recently, but here are some weekly resolutions:
1. Climb the Bizan again.
I had a nice, clear feeling up on top of the mountain. I felt like a Kiwi bird I saw once, who managed to fly by jumping off a mountain. I didn’t feel like jumping off the mountain, but I certainly felt like I could reach out and fly.
2. Make some Amazing Life Goals.
Number one: Climb Mount Everest. Number two: Open a magnificent cake shop. Number three: Save an elephant. I keep telling my kids to dream big and not be afraid of their futures, but I’m not really applying that to myself. There are a million things I can do still, if only I set out with gusto and a vague plan.
3. Practice the Ukulele more!
I want to play many songs! Rumor has it there is a Hawaiian guy who dresses in a clown costume and sits in front of Tokushima station and drinks beer and plays the ukulele at people every weekend. I don’t want to do that, necessarily, but it might be fun to go have a ukulele duel or something. What are clowns mortal enemies? Mimes?
Ok, everyone. Have a good week. I miss you!
Emily

