Tag Archives: stress

Oh AfterNOON

1 Jul

Blah blah… I’m avoiding real work!!

 

 

I started tidying stuff today. A minimalist blog was talking about cleaning out your house, and it said “Oh, just do one cabinet. Take a first step”.

 

“Oh yeah, I have to clean out this apartment in the next 3 weeks and ship stuff home and get ready to move into the sad house, don’t I?” I thought.

 

 

 

UGH, GROSS, CLEANING.

 

 

I started on the bookshelf in the kitchen. Took everything out, threw away two boxes of stuff (!) packed up a bunch of things that need to be run through a shredder (too embarrassing / financial to be just tossed in the trash) and sorted the rest. There are…

  • Things I need to ship home
  • Things I can leave for the next person
  • Things that I need to keep around (things I use, or will need in order to settle matters in the future)

 

And the rest of it is trash! The end!

 

Last night I packed up my Stuff Swap bags: clothes I want to give away for free. Actually, I rescued a skirt from the bag (I’m wearing it now). But the rest of it, I thought “Oh, hmm, I forgot I owned that. OH WELL, DON’T NEED IT!”

 

Some things, I had a moment of thought, “Oh, but I like that. I want to wear it. I should keep that…”

 

NO! There is a big difference between “I want to wear it” and I WILL wear it!”

I scolded myself, gently, and let it all go. Whoosh, whoosh. I am waiting now, for the person who is supposed to pick up my bags… but I have Awa Odori in 15 minutes so they had better hurrrrrrry up….

Next Week

24 Oct

I just want you to know… the week ahead for me.

Just because it’s too insane for me to wrap my head around.

Monday

Orientation with visiting French students. Showing them the school.
I think I have to give some presentation. I’m not sure about what.
In the afternoon I go to the Awa Odori Kaikan with said students.
Then there is a welcome party for them, thrown by the student council.
Then I will help a student practice for her interview test.

EDIT: DONE!

All very easy, all very I completely forgot how to speak French, and looked like a moron.

Tuesday

4 classes at Rogakko, then skip out back to my base school for another welcome party, thrown by English Club.
At night, my first eikaiwa in a month.

EDIT: DONE!
Easy classes about Australian animals. Nice school lunch.
English Club party went off without a hitch, which was amazing (other than it lasted 40 minutes longer than it was supposed to. I didn’t go home between school and eikaiwa, so it was a 13-hour day. WHEEEE!)

Wednesday

5 classes, 4 of them in a row. 1 class is my 40 students + 20 French students.
After school, Japanese lesson.
After Japanese lesson, somehow get to Anabuki (an hour away) for Awa Odori practice.

EDIT: DONE
(except for the Awa Odori part. as I write this, I’m waiting on a teacher who is still at school. I’m secretly hoping that maybe we won’t go, because I’d really rather just… have a shower and go to sleep. It’s cold.)
Class was amazingly awesome. It got the point where I was walking around the school, thinking that I should have been stressed or freaking out with nerves, but actually I was very calm. Before, my calming method was to stop caring, which did calm me down until my not caring led to terrible things. But now I just realize that it’s all going to work out, I did all I could and now I just have to carry out my plan.

I can do what I must do, and if something goes wrong, I can fix it.

Oh my god, am I an adult now??

(No, probably not. I had an exchange with another JET that left me seeing red. I am absolutely not as calm in all of my life as I am in this job)

Thursday

1 class
English club after school.
Coach student in interview exam.
Find some sort of costume that can be easily disguised as normal people clothes
Shamisen lesson

Friday

Midyear conference, aka English day at a local Super English High School. I am a group leader. I do not want to be a group leader, but it was that, or present at the other Midyear conference.
Supposed to chat with another student after school, but have to find some way to reschedule, as I won’t be at school that day.
Go directly to school after Midyear to coach student. Then go directly to teacher’s house to celebrate birthday of exchange student.

Saturday

Free Kyoto trip with French students

Sunday

Rogakko’s cultural festival
Miyavi concert! Why is he in Tokushima? WHY are tickets so cheap? Why are they not all sold out? I’m going, hooray!

AAAARGGH

ARAAARRRGH

It’s gonna be a long week.

I’m halfway done!!

Weekend in Okayama & Hiroshima

17 Aug

Our next adventure took us to Okayama, the birthplace of Momotaro the Peach Boy. Born of a peach to an elderly couple, Momotaro had magical rice balls (kibidango) and magical animal friends (a dog, a pheasant, and… a monkey? I forget) and he fought demons and had adventures. James was here to collect pin badges, and I was here to collect stamps and annoy James.

You get around Okayama via a set of tram lines, which go “ding-ding” and clatter and rattle along and have that great olde-timey trolley feeling (apparently a trolley in Britain is a little cart you use for shopping, so James kept saying “tram” so I had to say “tram” so we could be talking about the same thing. But you know, a “pram” is a little cart you use for small children, so Tram for big people, Pram for small people. But “P” doesn’t sound like a “bigger” letter than “T”, I think… pronouncing them both, the “P” actually sounds more powerful. I think “pram” is short for “perambulator”, a “walking about with your baby machine”… what is “tram” short for?)

Anyway…

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Okayama also has a lovely castle a short tram-ride from the main station. My first castle in Japan! Well, my first castle with more than one storey (Tokushima castle is a museum, and only has one storey so it doesn’t count). Inside Okayama castle, it was also a museum, which was a little boring, but you could go all the way to the top and see the lovely view of the famous giant garden and surrounding moat.

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From on high we also spotted these swan boats. More on that later…

After stepping from the nice air-conditioned castle into the roasting heat and entered the garden. It was massive. Absolutely gigantic. And the extensive grass you weren’t supposed to walk on was immaculately trimmed. It must have taken a small army to do the upkeep.

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We wandered for ages. They had little wooded walks, giant lily pad grotto, lovely lily flower pond, and a sort of out-cropping rocky hill like the fake romantic wild areas that British people used to make on their properties in the 1700s (1800s? What do you call those things anyway? Not hermitages, but something else…). There were lovely places to buy a shaved ice and relax on a shady bench, and lots of small old-fashioned buildings. It was the kind of place where the aristocracy strolled (and currently, wedding photos are taken).

The best part was behind the rocky hill: a foot-bathing stream!

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Under an open roof ran a stream, with wooden platforms on either side. Leaving our shoes out on the pavement, we splashed in the shade.

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Let’s return to those swan boats.

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After getting all nice and relaxed, we went and rented a swan boat. The old man at the boat shack told us not to go in a certain part of the river because the current was strong. Then he drew a chalk map, which was two slightly curved lines which had no relation to the actual river whatsoever. Trusting to fate, we hopped in a boat. James took the wheel and I took the swan butt.

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Paddling a swan boat is about a zillion times more work than those stupid swans make it seem like. I recall seeing a video once where they had a camera under the water and you could see a duck’s feet trucking along as fast as could be while above the water, the duck is just sitting there looking serene.

And yes, the current was strong. We paddled and paddled and James steered us around quite perfectly. Oh, and our swan had a little bowtie.

Here is an amusing post box.

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We rode the tram out to our hotel, which was quite nice for a business hotel. James will attest that I forced him into some guide-book restaurant. This is true, however, it came after me thumbing through everything in the local eatery guide and him shooting down everything that came up (How can you say no to a Magic Bar? HOW? HOW??) and me getting very hungry and time getting late and both of us getting a bit grouchy. I was forcing us to eat at all.

I’m just kidding. We STARTED the trip being rather grouchy, or at least I did, and I don’t think that made James very happy either but it never (quite) came to shouting.

Anyway, we ate in this Italian (?) fusion-y type place (fused with what, it was hard to tell). I had a pizza and a Kir (because I read about it in my book about French people), and it was a nice restaurant and not far from the hotel and nice walk and exhausted sleep The End.

The End of Okayama, that is…

The next day, we took the shinkansen (my first shinkansen ride!) to Hiroshima. It wasn’t the fastest version, but it was very speedy. We rode the Kodama, and it took an hour.

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In Hiroshima, we rode their tram lines (more numerous and modern) to old baseball stadium and the Peace Park. I didn’t take any photos. Adrianne and I pretty much Peace-Parked ourselves out last year. I was still touched – it’s very difficult not to be touched by the Dome – so I just admired with my eyes and my memory.

To be perfectly honest, this is the part of the trip where I complained the most. It was very hot, and my bag was at that awful just-heavy-enough to make you hate carrying it, just-heavy-enough that the extra weight makes you very unhappy, but NOT-heavy-enough that you have any excuse to complain excessively about it. Like I did.

Like I did until James took my bag by force. Possibly to be a gentleman. More likely to make me shut up.

I let him have it up to Hiroshima castle (across the road, a block, another road, and a medium-sized park) and then happily checked it with the castle attendant. Hiroshima castle was also lovely, also a museum, and also air-conditioned. And a good portion of the signs had English versions, so it was interesting as well.

After Hiroshima castle, we rode the tram down to Miyajima port. MISTAKE. Should have taken the train, it would have been at least 4 times faster. Miyajima had our hostel, where we dropped our gear, and a ferry port, where we boarded for Miyajima (Ok, the ISLAND is called Miyajima, and I’m sure the mainland place has an equally nice name, but really… Miyajima port, and Miyajima (island)).

Anyway, we went to Miyajima by ferry, and admired the Tori gate in the water and the lovely back market road. At one of the only non-fish establishments, we got nikuman (steamed pork bun) :
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and ate them as best we could… being that there were hungry deer about. I don’t know why deer would want to eat meat, but they sure as heck tried to eat mine.

Like I wrote last time I went to Miyajima, the deer make me horribly sad and I want to give them all lots of food and hugs but that wouldn’t solve the problem.

We bathed our feet in another stream and tried to finish our pork buns unmolested. Ha! Ha! Yeah right!

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You can’t see it because I am busy being silly instead of taking proper story-telling photos, but there is a deer lurking around on the other side of the stream.

More Miyajima, at sun set…
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That night, we rode the train and tram (and walked a lot, because our directions were not so good) to a movie theater to see Inception. Did you like Inception? I did. I like the bit where gravity goes all wonky in the hotel. Fantastic image.

The next day…

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We went back to Miyajima! To climb the mountain. What is it with mountains in Japan? Oh well…

In the sweltering heat, we took a bus then cable car then another cable car up to a nice summit. Then we walked DOWN a few hundred meters, then up a few MORE hundred meters to a higher summit. (the proper summit). It was very nice. Lots of giant rocks and a beautiful view.

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Many people climbing; monks, children, old people, girls in wildly inappropriate shoes. There were rumors of monkeys, but no monkeys appeared to steal our stuff.

No snakes either.

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Noted.

We took the speediest shinkansen back to Okayama (only 30-odd minutes!!), then a local train to a lovely smaller town with a preserved “old” part of town (1800s?). We could only enjoy it for 15 minutes or so before trucking back to the train station to catch our train to catch our bus to Tokushima. But a glimpse was pleasant enough.

Bonding

10 Jun

This morning was really really horrible. I will talk about nice things later, like USJ, or how I’m going rafting next weekend, but right now I need to talk about how horrible my morning went.

This morning, I had the worst cramps in the universe. I woke up feeling like robots were trying to laser their way out of my abdomen. It was beyond awful, but I didn’t think about it enough to bother to take any painkillers before I went to school.

In first period, I realized I was going to have trouble. I was having trouble walking around the classroom, trouble standing up, and trouble concentrating on what I was doing because I was in so much pain. I thought, just make it through this lesson, then sit down and relax, and you’ll be able to make it through third period.

I tried. I really did. And it didn’t work. All through second period, I was either hunched over my desk, or pacing around in agony, thinking while I was doing one that if only I did the other, things would get better. My awesome JTE told me I was looking really pale, and asked me if I was alright. I just sort of gave a strangled “yeah” and went to hang out in the ladie’s toilet in case I threw up.

By the time third period rolled around, I knew there was no way I was going to make it to or through class without fainting or something equally awful. I couldn’t just soldier through, and I was so frustrated and ashamed and hurting that I could barely tell my JTE I couldn’t do it. As is always the case when I have to own up to my own helplessness, I couldn’t get the words out as it was a choice between crying and talking, or not crying and saying nothing.

This JTE, who I don’t know that well because I only met her in March, steered me down to the nurses office and parked me in a bed and made me stay and rest for 2 hours. I completely abandoned her class with no warning (and I’m going on a work trip tomorrow, leaving her to deal with our weekly advanced English class on her own — a not-great but unavoidable move on my part) and I felt horrible about that, as well as horrible about feeling sick. Later, she came down and made me eat a cookie and take medicine, and stay put until lunch time.

Creeping back to the staffroom for lunch, I felt much, much better… and felt incredibly guilty for feeling better so quickly. If I had taken care of things earlier, I wouldn’t have missed the class and made my JTE take care of me. If I had stayed sick, I would have justified the missing of class and the taking care of. But no, I was back, feeling alright, but pretending not to. I pretended, so that she wouldn’t think I had been pretending or exaggerating earlier (although, seriously, I’m pretty sure I looked as awful as I felt). Isn’t that weird? I need my head examined, probably.

At any rate, this JTE has mothered me now. She took care of me, and worried about my health, and now there is that bond between us. She’s seen me low, and helped me along. You don’t ask for these situations, you can choose who is there when you need help. Every good or bad situation I have with this JTE from now on, I will remember her kindness and see her in that light.

I thought about this some more at my shamisen lesson. My teacher told me something — I’m not sure of the nuances, but the gist is, I’m a good student and am improving quickly, so that means she is a good teacher. Or has become a good teacher to match the student. Or that if I was bad, it would make her teaching look bad. Or if I was bad, she wouldn’t have to rise above being a bad teacher. The exact words were unclear, but what was clear is that there exists between us a symbiotic relationship as teacher and student. We improve because of eachother. When I’m there, she practices and plays the secondo parts, and sings. She makes me play alone in those times, and that forces me up.

I love the piece we’re playing right now. In two parts, with vocals, it sounds really amazing. We play fast, and fierce.

Also, she gives me lots of vegetables. And tonight when we had tea, we each ate a sour plum (ume) with a sickly sweet syrup/jam around it. They call it “amezuppai”: Ame is “sweet”, and Suppai is “sour”. It really was ovewhelming with sweet and sour and jammy plummy mash, and the only thing that calmed my mouth back down was to drink the bitter green tea we always have here.

Japan mixes the sentiments and tastes with a definite flair.

Whoa There Ranger

26 Jan

Whooaaaaaa Nelly!

In the past… 30(!) hours, I’ve spent 1 HOUR in my apartment. No lie. I’m TIRED. And, in that hour, I had a fit of rearranging and creative housekeeping, and wound up flinging half my belongings on the floor and moving big pieces of furniture.

I’m having guests tomorrow. I’ll have 1 HOUR of preparation time between school and GUESTS. So in a moment, I will begin to clean like a mad person and it will probably take me several hours and I won’t get enough sleep and I’ll have to take a nap on my desk and drool all over my daily scheduler. Why would I do such a thing to myself?

Well let me tell you…

I started reading a horoscope site that told me the scary combo of some planets would mean that rubbish that happened last November would repeat in my life now. Well, I definitely don’t run my life by this sort of thing, but I’ve been feeling kind of down lately, so I flipped back into my diary and SURE ENOUGH I was really stressed about studies and very anxious about my relationship and was just in general pretty blah though last November.

So I thought “Oh great, wonderful, because I actually do have very similar if not the same stresses and anxieties now”. But then I kept reading my diary, skimming actually, because it’s kind of embarrassing to read all the drivel that I wrote not so long ago. And you know what I did last November?

I HAD A TACO PARTY.

I invited folks to my house and cooked up a huge mess of tacos and people laughed and ate heaps of food and drank wine and played musical instruments and chatted and had a MARVELOUS DANG TIME. And I got all defiant at my horoscope because I’ll be damned if “A repeat of November” means only a repeat of the BAD things.

I’m going to make GOOD things happen.

So I rang up folks, bought mince beef and peppers and strawberries, and I’m having a taco party tomorrow night.

One might argue that this has brought me more stress and less free time and lots of pressure to have a clean apartment and food and so on (things I really don’t have much time for! I need to cut back on the extracurricular activities, I think) BUT I am having tacos and that makes me happy, neener-neener-neeeeeener. This makes me happy. Destiny is in my own hands, right? Right.

Here is a link to amazing treehouses.

muwah!
-Emily

JLPT

6 Dec

Today I took the Japanese Language Proficiency Test in Takamatsu. To get there, we had to catch an express train at 7 am, which take a little over an hour.

At 6:57, on the train, I got a horrible horrible feeling that something was wrong, so I checked all my things… and it turned out, I had forgotten my Gaijin Card, because I had taken it out of my wallet when I got my reentry permit. You need your ID to take the test.

At 6:58, I frantically rang a friend who I thought was driving in. She didn’t pick up, naturally. So at 6:59, I jumped off the train and ran home to fetch my ID.

Luckily, of course, there was another train a little after 8. I would get to Takamatsu 15 minutes before the test started, but the center was right next to the station, so no big deal. I just got to spend the 2.5 hours before the test officially freaking the hell out. I really started to annoy the train guys on my train, because I kept asking if I was really going to Takamatsu, and I kept calling it a bicycle instead of a train (jitensha, densha, whatever).

Anyway, FINALLY I got to Takamatsu, and a friend was waiting at the station, and I took the test, and all was well. I have no idea if I passed or failed. I don’t care. Well, of course it would be nice to pass, and I’ll take it again (or level 2.5) in July if I didn’t pass, but really…. there is no stress for me now. Nothing is riding on this, and nothing will happen if I do or don’t pass. So ha.

Takamatsu is nice. It has a long shopping arcade with the typical clothing stores with weird names that all sell the same nonsense. It has a bagel shop with insanely delicious bagels. I bought two, and instantly started scarfing down my basil and cheese one as James and I walked along the arcade back to the station.

As we were going back, there were three girls walking towards us. They were foreign girls, really tall, with pretty features, and they were dressed to the nines in Japanese sweet fashion.

As best I can describe it… these girls wear a lot of white, have long styled hair, seem oblivious to the cold, and have an overall “fancy fashion” thing going on. In Japan, I don’t expect the same things from people that I used to. You see somebody wearing a particular outfit, and you can pretty much guess how they will treat you… but young girls are basically all the same, no matter what “genre” of clothing they wear! But when it’s foreigners, it’s hard not to look for that sort of thing… because you’ll usually find it.

This is not to say that I have something against pretty preppy people, or any sort of fashion, but somehow… it has a problem with me? Stereotypes from high school and college of such people, and yet it keeps being true…

So I bothered to look at their faces, and sure enough, they were giving me the side eye as we approached each other. Why?! When the one in the middle jerks her head and flicks her eyes at me, to tell the others to look. Pardon me madam, and let me enjoy my bagel. I just took a ridiculously long test, I am very tired, and I do not appreciate your fancy-pants sneering. Very nearly stuck out my tongue like a goofy 12-year-old, but instead just ate my bagel and enjoyed my walk. Life definitely too short to care.

Back in Tokushima, James and I went to Pasta Michi for some pasta goodness. We wanted to try Cappriciosa despite it being mediocre over-greased pseudo-Italian nonsense, but some fools had rented the place out for a wedding party. Who goes to Cappriciosa for their wedding party? It’s a chain, and not a great one at that.

Anyway, Pasta Michi was amazing. Neither of us had been there, but the rumors were good: giant portions for small prices, they had English menus, the server was nice (but never came back for more water, dessert, plate-clearing, etc). The atmosphere was nice, the bread much more delicious than Cappriciosa, and the salad was enjoyed by me. So, a win! I don’t know if I can eat that much food regularly though. A food coma started washing over me while I was still at the table, and that’s definitely a sign of having eaten too much (and too early, it was only half past 6 when we started).

Now at home, in my pajamas. I only have to really worry about my elementary lesson this week, and find my old Christmas quiz for the first-years. Regular lessons and work, plus Christmas shopping for Orphans, and calling people to remind them to give me their gifts for the orphans.

Ah… If I go to bed now, I can have 9.5 hours of sleep. Mmmmm.

I’ll never understand how my hair can be completely crap all day long, and right before I jump in the shower, I realize it’s finally settled down to normal.

Akka kkkaakakakakakaka

Days

21 Nov

Brr, it’s cold. I hung my laundry in the cold.

We have a three-day weekend. It’s nice. I don’t leave the apartment much because of cold, and studying, but that bothers me, because I want to go out and do stuff. Urrgh.

In the past week or so, I’ve had a few times when my days turned out to be dependent on other people… ie, waiting for someone to ring, or show up, so that my day could proceed.

It’s annoying.
I’m doing things I like, of course, but the waiting around…

It’s like waking up late, but not so late that you won’t be late… but it leaves you at home with 5 minutes extra. You don’t have the full time to do anything proper, but you have 5 spare minutes to do… NOTHING!!! You woke up with just enough time to do NOTHING! (stolen from Dane Cook, that line).

But that’s how I feel!

If I wasn’t so relaxed, I would be much more bent out of shape about this. Of course, I can feel this affecting how I look at the day. I feel like I can’t accomplish as much because of waiting for something (7 hours in the future!!) so my studying drive suffers. Things don’t get done. Then I feel REALLY cranky at the end of the day for wasting my day.

If I was sick, or stressed, this would be worse. I’m trying to be zen, because I’m in a general good mood at the moment. BUT STILL.

Uh. Uhhh.

I have a heap of vocabulary to study. And then grammar. And I think that’s it. I think I’m OK. I feel pretty dang good about my studying. Despite failing another practice test. I can study up. I can do this.

/gripe

Thoughts

14 Nov

I’m facing a bit of a dilemma.

(Actually, as I’m posting this, I think I’ve got the dilemma solved but I’m posting anyway since I took the time to write.)

My shamisen teacher has been talking about having me play in a big group New Year’s concert, at the beginning of February. It’s a sort of scary but fun idea – I feel confident about my shamisen playing. Whether or not I should do it is not the dilemma, but what I should wear when I do it, is.

When she told me about the idea, she said that everyone would be wearing kimono, but I could wear Western clothes. This is one of those tricky Japanese situations: did she tell me this because she knows I don’t own a kimono (and they’re expensive) and might not be comfortable in one, or because she doesn’t want me to wear one?

And on top of that, do I want to wear one?

On the one hand, it’s a Japanese music concert, in Japan, with Japanese people who will all be wearing Japanese clothes. Do I want to stand out (even more than usual) as the person not conforming to the norm? To be the obvious foreigner in all aspects of my appearance?

On the other hand, will I look like a complete git in a kimono? (The general agreement in the Japanese reaction is that no foreigner will ever look anything but silly when they try to wear kimono – even if it’s done properly, it’s still a foreigner. In a kimono. The horror). Would I attract even more attention for trying to be conformist, when all I really want to do is go up and play my shamisen and be appreciated for that alone?

The kimono is a funny thing, because it’s a native costume that has decreased in general use and popularity over the ages to the point where it literally is a costume. People in Japan don’t wear it in the same way that an Indian woman wears a sari. It only comes out on special occasions and particular situations, and that makes it even more layered with implicit meaning than usual.

So a kimono in a concert is not so much a thing you wear in a music concert as much as it is a thing you wear in a Japanese Cultural Music Concert. It’s the uniform of the music player. But at the same time it’s the tradition of the Japanese people – one of whom I am not. Not wearing a kimono is like playing only have the song – you’re not committing fully to the Culture of the whole thing. But I’m not trying to be Japanese, just to play Japanese music. So to wear a kimono as if it’s something I that I wear because it’s part of me playing shamisen would be a complete lie, and feels like I’m trying too hard in the wrong areas – but to not wear one is to only meet the group halfway.

As I write this out, I think my best solution is to find Western dress that looks kind of like a kimono or a uniform – formal dress with a wrapped front of the jacket, or something like that.

I’m definitely making too big a deal out of what will ultimately be only one afternoon of my entire life. And at the same time, this is really just a slightly larger example of the things that happen all the time here – deciding in so many tiny situations to what extent one will be foreign and natural, and to what extent one will try to be Japanese and natural. Or unnatural. How much should I adjust my behavior? To what level to I feel comfortable being different or obvious? When does altering my actions become altering myself? Is that bad? How much will the society let me get away with? How much will I let myself get away with? After accepting that I will always be a foreigner, what is the value I place on individuality verses smooth group interactions? Is this a role I’m playing, or is this me?

And so on.

Preparation

3 Nov

If I’m studying for the JLPT then watching Japanese TV while I put in my electronic flashcards counts as language exposure, doesn’t it?

Tonight I watched “Run for Money”, which is a real-time show where contestants run around a landmark location for 60 minutes, completing tasks and being “hunted” by Hunters (who look like agents from The Matrix). Tonight they were in an Edo-era town, and as the time wound down, a bunch of guys dressed as Oni came out of the woods and joined the hunt. If they saw you, they’d bang on gongs and alert the Hunters as to your location.

Pretty much the best game of Cops and Robbers tag EVER. The SciFi channel apparently picked it up 2 years ago. Sorry, but nobody makes wacky game shows like the Japanese. NOBODY.

And now that it’s over just crap music shows and baseball are on, so I had better return to my studying with a new strength.

There is a new pain in my teeth, and I have to go to the dentist. I went today but they were closed because of the holiday. Waste of a train ticket! Honestly, this is such a pain. It’s not like I take bad care of my teeth, or eat sweets all day every day. FRUSTRATION.

People people people

19 Jul

Man oh man, it’s all new kinds of hot now.

I did turn on my air-con because I’ve been at home during the day and really do need it. Ah well. It had to happen sometime.

Today is a matsuri down in Komatsushima, “Harbor Festival”. I don’t know if I want to go, but I think I’m gonna anyway… the issue is the heat, and the fact that I’m not so excited to be around a bunch of people. I’m not even that excited to be around my friends, to tell God’s honest truth.

The other night I went with the Kiwi to a charity music concert at P’s (a bar). We were two of maybe 6 foreigners there, and we wound up sitting and chatting up this Japanese woman for over 2 hours. It’s fun, and really cool to be able to sit and chat in another language but oh my gosh is it exhausting after a while!!

…and I’m starting to feel that exhaustion around people who speak English. Sometimes, when people just aren’t traveling down the same mental or linguistic or intellectual or emotional line that you are, it’s very tiring to hang out with them, and to keep things going.

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Maybe I’ve mentioned this before, maybe not, but the thing they really don’t explain here is the loneliness that comes about. Sure, I have a good number of friends, and even more acquaintances, but… there is such a loneliness none the less. It’s more base, and can be covered up with activity, parties, coffee dates, and so on.

Note that I say “covered up”, not “dealt with”.

I mean, it’s fine. It’s all totally fine, and I’m not going to crash and burn, but going along like that is like running and engine, eventually it’ll run down and can’t go anymore until it gets a tune-up and the (immediate) issue is addressed (or at least the fan belt is replaced, or the gas replenished) and then it goes again.

Like I said, I’m fine.

And I’m going to the festival, I’m not wussing out and staying inside all day (much as that is sort of appealing, it’s also a completely revolting idea).

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