I’m facing a bit of a dilemma.

(Actually, as I’m posting this, I think I’ve got the dilemma solved but I’m posting anyway since I took the time to write.)

My shamisen teacher has been talking about having me play in a big group New Year’s concert, at the beginning of February. It’s a sort of scary but fun idea – I feel confident about my shamisen playing. Whether or not I should do it is not the dilemma, but what I should wear when I do it, is.

When she told me about the idea, she said that everyone would be wearing kimono, but I could wear Western clothes. This is one of those tricky Japanese situations: did she tell me this because she knows I don’t own a kimono (and they’re expensive) and might not be comfortable in one, or because she doesn’t want me to wear one?

And on top of that, do I want to wear one?

On the one hand, it’s a Japanese music concert, in Japan, with Japanese people who will all be wearing Japanese clothes. Do I want to stand out (even more than usual) as the person not conforming to the norm? To be the obvious foreigner in all aspects of my appearance?

On the other hand, will I look like a complete git in a kimono? (The general agreement in the Japanese reaction is that no foreigner will ever look anything but silly when they try to wear kimono – even if it’s done properly, it’s still a foreigner. In a kimono. The horror). Would I attract even more attention for trying to be conformist, when all I really want to do is go up and play my shamisen and be appreciated for that alone?

The kimono is a funny thing, because it’s a native costume that has decreased in general use and popularity over the ages to the point where it literally is a costume. People in Japan don’t wear it in the same way that an Indian woman wears a sari. It only comes out on special occasions and particular situations, and that makes it even more layered with implicit meaning than usual.

So a kimono in a concert is not so much a thing you wear in a music concert as much as it is a thing you wear in a Japanese Cultural Music Concert. It’s the uniform of the music player. But at the same time it’s the tradition of the Japanese people – one of whom I am not. Not wearing a kimono is like playing only have the song – you’re not committing fully to the Culture of the whole thing. But I’m not trying to be Japanese, just to play Japanese music. So to wear a kimono as if it’s something I that I wear because it’s part of me playing shamisen would be a complete lie, and feels like I’m trying too hard in the wrong areas – but to not wear one is to only meet the group halfway.

As I write this out, I think my best solution is to find Western dress that looks kind of like a kimono or a uniform – formal dress with a wrapped front of the jacket, or something like that.

I’m definitely making too big a deal out of what will ultimately be only one afternoon of my entire life. And at the same time, this is really just a slightly larger example of the things that happen all the time here – deciding in so many tiny situations to what extent one will be foreign and natural, and to what extent one will try to be Japanese and natural. Or unnatural. How much should I adjust my behavior? To what level to I feel comfortable being different or obvious? When does altering my actions become altering myself? Is that bad? How much will the society let me get away with? How much will I let myself get away with? After accepting that I will always be a foreigner, what is the value I place on individuality verses smooth group interactions? Is this a role I’m playing, or is this me?

And so on.

If I’m studying for the JLPT then watching Japanese TV while I put in my electronic flashcards counts as language exposure, doesn’t it?

Tonight I watched “Run for Money”, which is a real-time show where contestants run around a landmark location for 60 minutes, completing tasks and being “hunted” by Hunters (who look like agents from The Matrix). Tonight they were in an Edo-era town, and as the time wound down, a bunch of guys dressed as Oni came out of the woods and joined the hunt. If they saw you, they’d bang on gongs and alert the Hunters as to your location.

Pretty much the best game of Cops and Robbers tag EVER. The SciFi channel apparently picked it up 2 years ago. Sorry, but nobody makes wacky game shows like the Japanese. NOBODY.

And now that it’s over just crap music shows and baseball are on, so I had better return to my studying with a new strength.

There is a new pain in my teeth, and I have to go to the dentist. I went today but they were closed because of the holiday. Waste of a train ticket! Honestly, this is such a pain. It’s not like I take bad care of my teeth, or eat sweets all day every day. FRUSTRATION.

This weekend, Ada and I went down to a giant recycle shop in Anan. Actually, to tell the truth, it’s more of a jumble shop than a recycle shop — or maybe, a crazy bazaar. Every kind of Japanese culture or paraphernalia that you could want is in this shop. Katanas, tea sets, crazy masks, kimono, musical instruments, insane porcelain statues (giant Labrador or Betty Boop, anyone?) and so on.

In the back of the purse shelf, we found treasure:

Ada scored the red one, and I bought the black one. Awesome!

These backpacks are hugely iconic, all elementary students carry one. Red is for girls, black is for boys (though I think boys carry red as well). The students near my school have an add-on reflective flap with Sudachi-kun (our prefectural mascot), presumably so the students can be seen in the dark.

Because of all of this, there is pretty much no way that either of us would be able to use the backpack here in Japan. So we will wait. Right now, I’m using mine to store my journals and various art books. It’s incredibly functional and well-designed as a pack, and I can’t wait until I can start using it to cart my gear around.

Though, now that I think about it, I won’t be doing the same activity (biking to work with a sack full of materials) back in the states every day. So while it’s a great bag, it might not get the same amount of use when I am in a place where I can use it.

Ah well.

I also bought Kanji Sono Mama for my DS. It’s great because
a. It’s cheaper than an electronic dictionary
b. I can write kanji into the screen and it looks them up for me, simple as pie!
c. I bought it at Book Off, so it was maybe 1000 yen less than brand new. ROCK!!
So far, it’s pretty great. I just draw in the kanji or the furigana, and then choose my word. LOVE!!

Today was Heath and Sports Day, so I had off. I went to a traditional music concert affiliated with my school. However, because I had done the same thing the day before for 3 HOURS, we only stayed for 4 performances, and then snuck out. There is only so much Japanese music I can take.

Yesterday’s concert was quite good, don’t get me wrong. It was 3 hours of sword dances, Awa Odori, traditional singing by pensioners, new instruments I had never seen before, and finally, a giant group playing and singing this song:

Hanami Odori. This is part one of three, if you’re really into it, here are the other two parts:

We just finished up the piece in my lessons 2 weeks ago. I can play the whole thing, and sing most of it (though not at the same time). My singing is really crap, but it gets better… I can’t believe that I’ve been learning shamisen for a year now! Crazy. Sorry I don’t have a video of myself doing it… but you wouldn’t hear the singing in that case.

At any rate.. that is that lately! The end!

Oh my God oh my Gawwwwwwd, Awa Odori starts this Wednesday!! I’m so nervous!!!

o________O;;;;;

Our last practice was tonight.
I’ve been practicing really really hard!
So hard, that I pulled something… my right leg is all screwed up, as is my lower back. I have to stretch really well every day just to be able to do normal stuff. Ow ow ow. いたいいいい

But oh my goodness is it ever exciting! I can’t wait to wear my purple kimono and my giant taco-shaped hat and dance like nuts! Every day now I wear geta when I’m not at school.

And speaking of not being at school…
Today I woke up, and it was typhooning. We were getting hit by the edge of tropical storm Etau, and it was amazing!!! So much rain, so much lightening and thunder!!! Nature is really really powerful!

I thought to myself, “Oh, I can’t be bothered to go through this storm just to sit pointlessly at my desk”. So I mailed my supervisor to ask for holiday leave. Stupid! I should have said “Oh no, a typhoon! Abunai!”

But now I have to take one of my holiday days. Mottainai! What a waste!!

Although, it did clear up and I could have gone in for half a day, but I am a lazy bum and couldn’t be bothered.

Yesterday I saw an amazing musical play put on by a local musical theater group. One of my students was in it, surprisingly.

The (original) story was about three girls who meet two girls who may or may not be magical, and for some reason, they decide to go back in time on a flying broom (one of the girls is a janitor, one is a makeup artist, and one just likes history for some reason?). So they go back and meet somebody who may or may not be Genghis Khan, and help some people get a scroll and a princess, and then there was a huge song and dance number.

Then, they went to America to try and stop Kennedy from being assassinated. For this half the play, almost everyone spoke a ton of English, and they were all pretty dang good with their accents and so on. The girls made a jazz group, and performed for Jackie O, and tried to warn her. Jackie O said she would tell Kennedy, but she lied! (for some reason, she was a complete bitch, and she couldn’t see the two magical girls. Who knew?)

Undaunted, the girls use their showbiz connections (3 more extremely tall girls in sparkly Supreme’s style dresses) to get an audience with Kennedy. They warn him about getting shot, but he says that danger is part of being President, and the people of Texas are his people too, so he can’t avoid the trip. Realizing they can’t stop him from taking his path, the cast sings “Mine Eyes Have Seen The Glory” in a very moving style, giving Kennedy one last performance.

In the audience, we had already looked at each other several times to say “No way”

But wait, there was more to come. John and Jackie got on their car and were on the motorcade, and the girls came and stopped time, to try and save him again. They told JFK that they were from the future, and that we had a black President, and that there was a bullet in his future. But JFK said that he was the President of the United States of America, and he was going to do his job.

Then he was shot. (In the audience, we looked at each other and said “No Way” again).

Then the janitor girl held up a flag in a spotlight against the curtain, and the Supremes stood in the balcony and sang something along the lines of “Where have you gone, JFK”. (I’ve been unable to figure out what song they actually sang).

Then they went back to the present time, accidentally inspiring young Steven Spielberg to invent E.T. THE END.

Like I said. It was amaaaaaaazing. Not often am I really weirded out and very moved at the same time.

File that under “Oh, Japan”.

I am, indeed a dancing fool.

It’s ok. I can live with that!

So, as I said, I went to Komatsushima Matsuri. At first I was in a bit of a mood because it was very hot, and humid, and the people I was to meet didn’t show for an hour. I don’t like being made to wait, and once I DO start waiting, I don’t like to break my solitude when everyone else shows up! It’s a silly cycle.

My friends appeared and we got down to the business of watching the thing that were going on. I had already seen 40 minutes of hula dancing, so while we listened to a bunch of speeches from dignitaries and navy guys, my friend (The Fashionista) and her Japanese guy friend (City Boy) went to look at some of the booths. I stayed in the shade and waited for the next attraction, which was going to be the gaijin (foreigner) Awa Odori dance competition.

I knew there was trouble when I saw the Fashionista talking and gesturing with some guy wearing a fair badge. City Boy walked back and told me that the Fashionista was now entered in the contest. Then they all started gesturing at me, and suddenly I realized that I was entered in the contest too.

Oh boy.

Only for a minute did I think “Oh heck no”.

Then I thought “Oh heck yes, I am going to kick ass and dance hard. And I am all out of ass. Let’s do this!”

We danced round and round a stage, lots of college students from China, Mongolia, Indonesia, the Philippines, and Colombia. And two chicks from America. We danced Otoko Odori (men’s dance) which was newish to me, and what the heck, I danced HARD CORE.

And I won the whole dang thing!! 7 prizes, and I got the top one!!! Which was an ice-cream maker / blender. HECK YEAH!!

The trick to winning? Putting all your gumption into it, grinning like a dancing fool, and just being totally willing to dance in front of an entire town / video cameras. Hopefully it will end up on the news or something har har har.

My only regret is not shoving my camera in someone’s hands before I climbed up on the stage. Boo!

Chalk it up to another “Oh Japan, you so awesome” moments.
(I love dancing Awa Odori!)

Tonight at Awa Odori practice, I wore my geta for the first time.

Remember when you buy a new pair or a poorly made pair of sandals, and the bit that goes between your big and second toe chafes from here to Dixie?

Yes, well it’s like that, except you are putting all our weight on that chafe, and also dancing in time and waving your arms.

A whole new kind of pain.

Tonight’s practice was endurance mode, just dancing up and down and up and down the park pavement. I made it as far as I could, and then decided that since I was sucking so bad because the pain was so distracting, I should probably just change back to my sneakers.

I danced maybe 15 steps in my sneakers before practice ended. I didn’t have a watch or phone, so I didn’t know the time.

All in all, I’m pleased with myself for making it that far.

At the rest point in the middle, one of the really genki men’s dancers came up to me and told me all about how my rhythm was ok, but my power sucked, actually, no, my power was making my rhythm suck, and so I should kick my knees up higher.

I wanted to say “Yes, you put the geta on and see how much genki YOU have!!” but what I really did was agree with everything he said, say “Ossu” (“push / I’m gonna fight hard!”) and try my best. After all, he was right. My rhythm and power were sucking big time.

My old-lady friend chatted me up at break time too. We talked about the weather, and where Supervisor-teacher was, and how dancing was fun. Maybe 75% of the stuff she says to me I don’t understand, but dammit… if I’ve learned anything in a year, it’s that smiling, nodding, and applying the old ganbare (do your best) spirit will get you far.

At the end of practice, I talked with the kids. They wanted to know where Supervisor-teacher was, and to tell me what a good dancing gaijin I am, and to basically joke around. I told them I was going home to eat, and they told me if I ate after 8 pm, I would get fat.

I said “Ah, metabo desu ne” (“Yeah, I’ll get metabo”) and they busted a nut laughing at me, then said “kyotsukete” (“Be careful!”) and sent me on my way.

Thanks, kids, You’re the most awesome.

Now I have to run to the grocery store and sort some dinner. I rearranged most of my furniture today in a brief fit of industry, but now all the bits and bobs of moving are all over the floor and bed and table… I don’t really have a place to eat or sleep. Yet. And I need a shower.

Ahhh.

I enjoy being busy!

As I may or may not have mentioned to various folks, I joined Awa Odori!

More specifically, I joined a ren, Kabuki ren, and practice three nights a week in the park. It’s freaky to think that Awa Odori is only a month and a week away.

For your enjoyment, here are some nice A.O. clips:
This clip is a short street dancing clip from Tokushima. Whee!!

This one is longer, and much more interesting. It’s from the Awa Odori Kaikan (cultural center) in Tokushima, and in it you can
a. hear the music better
b. see men’s dancing!

I’ll be doing the women’s dance (onna odori), as seen at the beginning, and around the 5 minute mark. But man, I want to do the men’s dance! It looks so cool!! The leaders showed me how to do the steps last Saturday, and man, it’s HARD. It takes a lot of leg strength (whereas the women’s takes arm strength, and the ability to keep going despite having your ribs all wrapped up in a kimono).

As the second video progresses, you hear more and more of the music. Now you can finally understand what I’m talking about. This is what I hear every weeknight between the hours of 7:30 and 9, except it is being played by at least 4 different groups at the same time 200 yards from my door, and is bouncing and echoing off the buildings. It’s fast and furious and powerful music, but man, once at flute tune is in your head, it NEVER GOES AWAY. EVER.

Related to all this; today I bought all the gubbins I’ll need for my kimono.

Tada!
These are all the bits and bobs to tie my kimono on, keep the ends clipped, fill out the obi, secure the obi, soak up the inevitable sweat, etc etc.

So, that’s all for now. Lucky Waving Cat says Goodbye!!

Nyah!

Current Activity: Cooking dinner (Indian curry and couscous)

As the weather heats up and the Awa Odori practices become regular night time occurrences, a curious thing happens.

Things become familiar.

Hearing the sounds and smelling the smells of this time of year actually triggers memory for me, and that’s amazing. Because I was here 11 months ago, and I have actual memory of things being this way in Tokushima before.

It’s one thing to say “I’ve lived in a place for a year”, and another, more humbling thing, to be physically confronted with evidence of that fact.

And although a year is a long time, it stops me in my tracks to think “from this point on, I’m half way done, and heading for the end”.

The end for now, at least.

Edit: I will bitch and moan about the Awa Odori music in the coming weeks, but let it be known: I absolutely love Awa Odori. Seeing all the people move in unison in the park, singing and chanting and waving lanterns and fans… it really moves me. I want to be a part of it, and at the same time, I want to watch it forever, absorb it all in my skin, yell and chant and stamp my feet and wave my arms.

The dancing fool and the watching fool are equally foolish, so you might as well dance.

It’s the 3-day weekend!

In honor of having 3 days of play, Tanuki Matsuri (Raccoon-dog Festival) set itself up in the park by my house. Have I mentioned how much I love this park? It’s always full of crazy stuff. Yesterday there were two choirs gathered on the riverbanks, practicing scales. The day before that, my students were part of the marching band (that did not march) and the ballet performances. It was also hot enough out to justify eating kakigori (shaved ice).

Yesterday, I went to a dinner party at a teacher’s house, at noon.
I wound up staying for 9 hours, eating food and chatting with people. We talked in Japanese and English while the kids screamed and ran around upstairs. We listened to to Katy Perry and Norah Jones and referenced The Crocodile Hunter
I ate a steak roast and lamb.
When I thought about how utterly delicious that meat was, I realized that it had been about 90 days since I’d eaten any meat except for fish, and the most processed of chickens.
This was real meat. Cooked on a real live western-style gas deck grill.

SO delicious.
I talked with kids, waved at toddlers, discussed Canada, played with hamsters, ate homemade donuts. YAY DONUTS!
It was really nice to be invited into someone’s house.
Partially because I am always super curious about how Japanese houses will look on the inside.
And partially because it felt really good to be included in a gathering. Not as a token foreigner, not as an attempt to show off Japan, but just because you’re liked and someone wants to be nice to you.

Thanks, sensei!

In other news, that class that I solo-taught last week? It went splendidly. Granted, the English level was quite high, but..
but…
I stood in front of a class and they listened to me, and did what I said, because I was the teacher.
Thanks, 104 class!

If God had bestowed upon humans something along the lines of a ruff of feathers, I would puff mine up with pride and happiness.

Instead, I just become rather pink and smiley.

Hooray! It’s Saturday! And I have internet, so I can blog from the comfort of my floor! I am wearing super comfortable sweats. I bought them in a 2-piece gray set, the kind where you just get a bag containing pants and a shirt for cheap. I bought them in size LL, and the check-out man asked me if I was sure I wanted that size. Don’t be such a kidder, Japan! We all know I don’t fit your sizes anyway!

Size LL, I’ll grant, is a little large. But it’s not TOO large, just nice and roomy. I look like a complete Ojii-san (grandpa) in the sweats and my house slippers, but they feel wooonnderfulll!

Today, I am going to the zoo! I will take a lot of photos, I hope. Until then, here are some photos from things I’ve done recently. Please enjoy them!

Here is the beach where I went swimming all those weeks ago. Isn’t it great? We pondered swimming out to the rocks, but they were far away. In the distance, we could see land…

My typewriter! I love it. Also pictured is a monte blanc cake, which I bought from a little bakery over by the mountain. Mmm, it was delicious. I’m addicted to monte blanc cakes, they are made with chesnuts and lots of fluffy cream and soft cake. Even the weird ones from the combinis taste great!

This is when I went on a long ramble towards the ocean (but didn’t quite make it). Right past this bridge was where the sidewalk ended, and I had to scramble along the side of a highway and make my way past all these shipping warehouses. From a distance, the bridge looks horribly bent, like an arch that’s getting ready to spring up in the air and fling all the cars into the bay.

Last weekend, the park by my house had a Cow Festival! You could come and pet the cows and see cows in a semi-natural environment and take cow quizzes and learn about cows and eat ice cream and drink milk. WOW! The park is seriously the best. Every weekend I stick my head out on my balcony and look, and SOMETHING is going on. The week before Cow Festival, it was some sort of woodworking “build-your-own” get-together. Before THAT, I enjoyed listening to various indie punk and rock bands hack at guitars and scream in front of disinterested but fancifully attired youth.

Yeah, baby cows!

These cows were very interested in what was going on around them. All the fair cows I’ve ever seen before have been very chill and bored, but these guys were all going “Hey, what’s happening? Let me stick my face at you!”

And of course, no festival in Japan would be complete without somebody dressed up as something. Viva la Cow!

So that’s that, basically… I’ve had a busy week at school. In brief:
I played lots and lots of Halloween Bingo and Halloween Memory (the flip-it-over card game)
I graded about a zillion papers
I saw half of a super-great documentary about Bob Dylan, and ate delicious pasta with a home-made vegetable sauce.
Upon finding a wild CD featuring my friends from home in my mailbox, I danced and sang in my kitchen.
I paid $30 for a postage stamp. Don’t laugh, it’s for my re-entry permit!
I watched The Fall, which was a pretty neat film. Sometimes I thought it was trying too hard, but visually it was very nice.

They sell books that are just photos of people’s dwellings. Each book has a different subject, such as “Children’s Rooms in Belsk”, or “Couple’s Apartments in Paris”. Why are they so enjoyable? I don’t know. I bought “Petite Apartments in Paris”, and I’m lusting after “Apartments with Color in Paris”. Some of them are very lovely or eccentric or quirky. I don’t know why I like looking at the arrangements and styles of people’s apartments. I just do.

It’s a gorgeous Saturday here.

Love
Emily