It’s the new year! Have I done things different this year

Well… not really, I guess. It’s only the second week! Give me time.

I’d like to vow to update more frequently. I’ve been abandoning this blog, sorry!

Lately… well, today, for instance, I did do something a bit interesting… I decided on my way home from school that as per my resolution to exercise (more on that later), I was going to climb up the Bizan again.

I didn’t take into consideration that it would be getting darker faster than I could climb. Even though I swiped a broom from one of the hidden shrines up the path, I got scared. The broom was to clear my path of invisible spider webs, and to fend off the wild dogs that I’ve been hearing about lately. I made it almost to the top. I think I was about 10 or 15 minutes of hiking away from the safety of the summit.

But, I have this horrible fear of dark paths in the woods where wild mean dogs are lurking. I’m really really terrified of dogs. Also, I was really tired and
1. couldn’t run up the rest of the mountain like I wanted to
2. didn’t think I could properly defeat a wild dog, even with my broom.

So… I ran down the mountain. That was really stupid of me, because at this point it was getting really dark and I couldn’t see the path. But I was more worried about dogs and waru/bad spirits and oni and demons and the baba-yaga and basically every scary story I’ve ever read. I kept my head down and sang a terrified little song and booked it down as fast as I could. Really, I’m lucky I didn’t fall and break my ankle or bash my head open on the rocks.

Even though I made it home cold and shaking (from cold sweat), I felt good. Well, I felt exercised, at least.

And!

I had a great letter in the mail today. It was bursting with love and hilarity and a history of friendship. The best thing about it was the message that said “You’re doing good. I don’t have to say it, but you know it with my words that you’re doing good and it’s wild and crazy and sad and lovely and life is good, really it is”.

That’s not what it said, but that was between the lines.

That made me feel really good.

I want to stay a second year. It hurts some people, believe me, it hurts me too. But I want to do it anyway, because my gut and brain and heart say that I should, maybe I shouldn’t, but I should anyway.
So when I hear “It’s OK, you’re doing good”, my little heart feels so full.
I had a friend who had really bad knees. Sometimes she would walk slowly, or oddly, or just couldn’t do things if her knees were acting up.

One day, another friend noticed her doing this and asked what was wrong. She told him, that she was troubled and in pain and right now, she just had to walk like this.

And he said, “Well, you just keep on… doing that then”.

She told me it was the first time someone had told her to just keep on going instead of offering pity or help.

I mentioned this before. Joey from A Softer World wrote,

I’m going to encrypt my hard drive for fun. I’m going to encrypt the words, “You do good work” and I’m going to send it to every intelligence agency I can think of.

Every time I hear from someone back home, from a friend or my dad, every time another JET emails me at work and makes me laugh, every time I feel that I’m doing good, well…

it’s the best feeling ever.

Being in Japan is teaching me quite a bit. I’ve found out what I am when I’m cut off from everything I once new. Now I’m learning what I’m becoming. (hint: not dog food)

(But don’t worry, my darling darling family and comrads, I love you all so much, and I’ll be coming back to you when I’m done, no matter what!)

-Emily